The Mazoku Penguin Project!
by Bef Kage Aka-chi
Summary: A grand knee slapping comedy! What dose Garv really have under than orange trench coat? (a Tangerine Speedo?) Will Beastmaster Die of lung cancer? Will Dynasty ever show emotion? Dose Phibrizo look like Amelia? Is Deep Sea really Psychotic? All this and m
1. Bat-fowling beef-witted giglets!

!The Mazoku Penguin Project!  
  
  
  
Up at the North Pole Xelloss and Dynasty sit on opposite sides of the barrier. Between them is a chessboard with the pieces already spread across the black and white surface creating the image of a complex pattern of well thought out moves. The two competitors had been playing on and off for over three hundred years. the same damn game. Beside Dynasty is a nameless minion who is rushing to scribble down the moves. Lord Dynasty stares intensely at the board, if he had laser beams instead of eyes the intensity would make the board EXPLODE!!!!! It would burst into a million pieces shattering like glass and falling crisply onto the thick layer off snow melting it and simmering and smoking and then the larger pieces of wood would be on FIRE! HOT RED BURNING FLAMES OF DEATH!!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! But his eyes are not laser beams so none of that really happens (nut bunnies!) Xelloss is content to smile away eyes closed and staff at side as always, doing a damn good job of annoying Dynasty. Around them the Mazoku lords have gathered, intent on seeing the last leg of the legendary chess match. Yah right! They just want to see Mr. Frosty turn red in the face trying to put up with Xelloss.  
  
Dynasty: (has finally made up his mind.) Queen to E5  
  
Xelloss: Are you sure? (Picks up the queen.) B3 would be a much better place to put it. don't you think? (Proceeds to put it on B3)  
  
Dynasty: NO! E5 E5!  
  
Xelloss: Oh that's a bad place to put it. B3 is really much better (keeps the Queen on B3)  
  
Dynasty: Put my queen on E5 NOW! You fruitcake! (Starts to claw at the barrier and is fried by black lightning. The other dark lords laugh at him) SHUT UP!!! (Sees Xelloss about to move his queen to E5) Thank you.  
  
Xelloss: What was that? You changed your mind?  
  
Dynasty: .no  
  
Xelloss: B3 it is then! That was really a good choice (moves the piece back).  
  
Dynasty: NO YOU IDOT! MOVE IT TO E5!!! NOW NOW NOW! (Bangs his hands against the barrier and is fried again. falls back into the snow) My baloney has a first name its d-u-c-k-i-e  
  
Xelloss: (pouts) but frosty. I'm trying to help you! Don't you see it! B3 is a weak space I could do tons of stuff to you if you put your queen there! Now trust me E5 is a much better place. Here I'll make your move for you!  
  
Dynasty: NO! NO! I want it on B3! (Scrambles out of the snow to stop the trickster priest) And don't call me Frosty.  
  
Xelloss: Okay! (Puts the piece on B3)  
  
Dynasty: (BIIIIIIIG sweat droop) I hate you.  
  
Xelloss: My turn! (Moves his knight)  
  
Dynasty: (staring icy daggers of death into Xelloss) if this barrier weren't here I would KILL YOU!!!!! (Tries to reach through the barrier again and is assaulted by black lightning.)  
  
Beastmaster Zellas: (takes a puff of her cigarette) AWWWW is wittly fwosty getting his cold undies in a bunchy wunchy! (The dark lords have a good hardy laugh at that)  
  
Deep Sea Dolphin: Mr. Handy can help you! (Holds up the blue shark sock puppet) He knows all sorts of things about chess Dynasty-chan!  
  
Mr. Handy: I sure do! You should now move you king to N56!  
  
Xelloss: (to Mr., Handy) Great Idea Mr. Handy! (Goes to move the king )  
  
Dynasty: (Has worked himself into a coma trying to break through and move his bishop) BWITTTTTSLES! (Left leg twitches)  
  
Garv: What was that Frosty? (Move closer to the barrier and cups his hand around his ear) You want to forfeit the game?  
  
Dynasty: (left leg twitches again) ZIIIIIIIII BIIIZZZZZZZBIZZZZZ  
  
Garv: Really? After all theses centuries. seems like a waste. But okay (shrugs and motions to knock over the chessboard)  
  
Dynasty: (Is miraculously healed!) NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!! (Starts shaking his head faster than Shakiras hips) and quit calling me Frosty!  
  
Deep Sea Dolphin: (Is in the background singing 'I'm a little tea cup' while doing the Macarena and Mr. Handy humming smooth criminal) ((the alien ant farm rendition))  
  
Phibrizo: Its okay Dynasty, I'm on your side! I'll make your next move since Xelloss won't cooperate! (Doing the super cute thing )  
  
Dynasty: (-.- turns to the little hellmaster) cut the act Phibrizo, what are you planning?  
  
Phibrizo: What? (Acts surprised) I was just going move the pieces for you. since the others are being so mean! But if you don't want my help. (crosses his arms and turns around)  
  
Mr. Handy: (placed right up in Dynasty's face) I'LL HELP YOU FROSTY!  
  
Dynasty: I think I'll decline, thank you. (Backs away from the sock puppet) Fine Phibrizo. Bishop to F9  
  
Phibrizo: (Turns around eagerly and is standing on tiptoe to reaching over Xelloss. He grabs for the bishop but reconsiders) Are you sure that's a good move?  
  
Dynasty: yes. Now move it  
  
Phibrizo: are you reeeeeeeeeeeeeally sure? Or do you just THINK you're sure?  
  
Dynasty: (turning red again) I'm sure  
  
Phibrizo: (Takes his hand back and looks thoughtful) cuz if you're not sure you shouldn't move  
  
Dynasty: I'm completely positive!!! (Veins pop up all over his head)  
  
Phibrizo: I think you need more time to decide Dynasty (nods his head knowingly and turns around to walk away.)  
  
Dynasty: (Smoke coming out of his ears) GET BACK HERE AND MOVE MY BISHOP YOU LITTLE HELL BRAT!!!!!!!!!!!! (The fires of damnation burn like dark seething embers in the pits of his eyes and - )  
  
Phibrizo: HEY! There's a service fee for using the fires of damnation! PAY UP LADY .38 CENTS! (Holds out his hand and the author begrudgingly gives over her life savings to the small incarnation of all that is evil.) ((Satisfied?)) Yes ((can we move on now?)) fell free! Oh! Wait! TAX! ((SHUV IT! THERE IS NO TAX HERE!!!!)) Fine! (Grumbling) ((Lets try again))  
  
Dynasty: (Smoke coming out of his ears) GET BACK HERE AND MOVE MY BISHOP YOU LITTLE HELL BRAT!!!!!!!!!!!! (The fires of damnation burn like dark seething embers in the pits of his eyes and around him the ice and snow are steaming and melting away until he is standing in the slushy remains of ice. Which promptly freezes his feet to the ground) ((*^. ^* tee hee))  
  
Phibrizo: I don't want to help you! You were mean to me!  
  
Dynasty: (Starts pulling out his hair) ARE I BEING THE ONLY SANE PERSON IN THIS HERE?! (Slams his head into the cold snow till it turns blue.)  
  
Xelloss holds up a finger, Zellas smirks and takes a puff of her cigarette, Mr. Handy's eyes turn red, Garv takes in a breath, Dolphin's face goes SD and her eyes are all glassy and big, and Phibrizo turns around and doses the evil smile thing. A dark aura forms around all of them and the sky turns black and THE CLOUNDSSTRIKE UP A THUNDERSTORM AND THEN THE LORD OF NIGHTMARES COMES DOWN FROM THE HEAVES AND PRONOUCES THE APOCOLIPS AN THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT!!!!!!!!!!! WOMEN AND CHILDREN! MEN AND OLD FOLKS RUN AND HIDE FOR YOUR LIVE BECAUSE THEN END OF TIME IS APPROCHING!!!!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Excuse me. ((Author walks off to get counseling)) All together now! : YES!  
  
Dynasty: Someone kill me. Kill me now.  
  
Dolphin: (Dazing off Look) Mr. Handy! There's SNOW here!  
  
Everyone face faults.  
  
  
  
FIN.  
  
A/N HAHAHAH! I now have the greatest literary work ever conceived! . Okay maybe not but was it any good? Was it funny? Did you like it? Hate it? Love it? Marry it? Have two kids and a dog with it? Did you buy a little pink house and - never mind. just send a review please.? YAH! 


	2. Insane Sheep Confessions

"Insane Sheep Confessions"  
  
Somewhere out in the wide world is field. A field full of fluffy white happy sheep who are free to frolic among its seas of green green grass. Free to graze in peace and happiness. That is until Xelloss comes to drive their Shepard insane!!!! BWAHA--! Uh. lets not start that again. OH WHAT THE HECK BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!  
  
Xelloss: (has 'borrowed' one of Beast Masters wolves and is sending them into the heard of sheep) Now listen to me. Don't eat them just. walk among them (making helpful jesters to the wolves) don't give me that look! You get enough to eat already and you'd choke on the fur... fleece. YAH! Well you'd choke on it so just act like your passing through and don't let the Shepard drive you off, no matter what. (The wolves whine) No, I don't think he would know magic! He's a shepherd! Would he be a Shepard if he could be a sorcerer?! NOW GO!  
  
The wolves trot off into the sheep's vicinity who have the expected reaction.  
  
Sheep: BAAAAAA!  
  
Shepard: AHHHHHHH! (Tries to look menacing with his crooked staff ((NOT THAT STAFF YOU PERVERTS!!!!)) By twirling it around and swinging it at the wolves. As instructed they aren't phased.)  
  
Xelloss: (behind a bush snickering as he watches the five wolves lay down and sunbathe beside the sheep.) hee hee hee hee-EEEK!  
  
Zellas: Xelloss, I never knew you screamed like a girly girl! HAHAHAHA!  
  
Xelloss: Beast master! (clutches his heart. as if he has one) YOU ALMOST KILLED ME!!!!  
  
Zellas: (Puff puff) really? And what are my wolves doing in your possession? (blows smoke in his face) Hummm?  
  
Xelloss: (cough cough wheezes!) I was just playing with them? (Smiles but then breakers into a coughing fit)  
  
Zellas: if you don't stop 'borrowing' my wolves without asking you ungrateful minion!! (SHOUTING) I'LL SEND YOU TO WORK FOR DOLFIN FOR THE NEXT SEVEN CENTURYS!!!!!  
  
Xelloss: Well I did need more time to catch up on old times with Mr. Handy (snicker)  
  
Zellas: (Maniacal glare) hee hee hee HAHAHAHAHAHA! (the sheep fall over and die) oops.  
  
//two hours later//  
  
Xelloss has been forced to serve Deep Sea Dolphin who lives in the demon sea. So far Dolphin has forced him to play sea saw. with Mr. Handy, Have a tea party with a pair of goldfish, and allow her to play hair dresser. His usually purple locks were now dyed sugar pink and placed in many braids.  
  
Random Minion: I can sympathies (points to his mowhok special haircut witch he was given with a blunt knife)  
  
Dolphin: NO XELLY! (Scrambles over to stop him) The big bubbles go over THERE! (points to a pile of books) with the rest of them.  
  
Xelloss: . (big sigh) o-kay. (Proceeds to blow 'big' bubbles which was actually a broken crystal ball, to at the bookcase.) Why? WHY? WHY?! (Hears snickering behind him) Hu? (Twists around) Gaav: How ya do'in - Xelly? (burst into big gwahahahas!)  
  
Phibrizo: Zellas was really creative when she thought to give you over to dolphin! Whad ya do?  
  
Xelloss: (grumbling) go away. I have bubbles to sort.  
  
Dynasty: (face in a crystal ball held by Phibrizo) So, do you need some help? Want me to get you out of this?  
  
Xelloss: (suspicious) are you still sore about the chess thing?  
  
Dynasty: Of course not!  
  
Xelloss: (still suspicious) yah uh hu suuuuuure. how are you going to do that?  
  
Dynasty: Come and work for me!  
  
Xelloss: NO WAY! At least she's not sane enough to think up anything more than annoying, trivial, not to mention INSANE! Tasks. (turns and takes the big bubble over to the pile of other bubbles. also know as books, vases, articles of clothing, and other assorted unconnected items.)  
  
Dolphin: OOOOOO! FRIENDS! TEA PARTY TIME!!!!! (grabs them all and sits them down to have tea)  
  
Gaav: I don't think so (starts to get up)  
  
Dolphin: (eyes become great pits of fire (( ALREADY PAYED FOR IT PHIBBY!)) SIT DOWN!!!!!!!! (grabs him and forces a tea cup in his hands)  
  
Gaav: (O.o;;;) o. kaaaay.  
  
Dolphin: (smiling and looking a bit vacant) so who wants to tell ghost stories?  
  
Phibrizo: I thought this was a tea party? Who tells ghost stories at a tea party?  
  
Xelloss: apparently she dose. (Shrugs)  
  
Dolphin: O! O! (Clapping her hands) Mr. Handy has one! (Holds up Mr. Handy.)  
  
Mr. Handy: once upon a time in a land full of muffins a blue ball booked around and landed in a bowl of foregoing pig ions. and it was made of bricks!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
Gaav: .  
  
Phibrizo: ..  
  
Xelloss: now that. was scary. (Gaav and Phibrizo nod in agreement)  
  
Dolphin: (eyes go wide) OooooOOOO! Mr. Handy that was great! I GOT ONE! I GOT ONE!  
  
Gaav: I don't want to hear anymore (starts to get up) I've got better places to be.  
  
Dolphin: (eyes become great pits of fire ) SIT DOWN!!!!!!!! (Grabs him and forces a tea cup back into his hands)  
  
Gaav: NO! (Teleports back to where ever he came from just before flames engulf his former position) Xelloss: (big sigh) (turns to Phibrizo) and now you know why I can't escape.  
  
Phibrizo: she's not just insane. she's psychotic!  
  
Mr. Handy: And don't think you need to tell ME that!  
  
FIN!  
  
A/N: And yet another installment in the Mazoku Penguin project is now COMPLETED!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! REVEW! REVEW MY PRETTIES HEEEEE HEHEHEHEHE!!!!!! - uh. (Author walks off to take a cold shower) I'm okay now. R&R Pleas! 


End file.
